16 Things I Love About My Mum

Seen this somewhere over the net. I guess the author of this joke must be a mum hater. Anyway, it is still a joke, so here it is:-

16 Things I love about my MUM

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
   
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet.
   
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
   
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. - "Because I said so, that's why."
   
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. - "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the dairy with me."
   
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
   
7. My mother taught me IRONY. - "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
   
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. - "Shut your mouth and eat your tea."
   
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. - "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
   
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. - "You'll sit there until all those veggies are gone."
    
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. - "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
    
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. - "If I told you once,I've told you a million times. Don't bulls**t!"
    
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
    
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION. - "Stop acting like your father!"
    
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
    
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. - "Just wait until we get home."