When I first started this blog slightly more than 43 months ago, I did it not because I want to be famous or make a big political statement but merely wanted a space to vent out and yet stayed anonymous. It is my daily journal where I can just write to my hearts content and record whatever comes out of my mind. I do not expect people to read it but they do. The moment I published the post, I realised that I had open another facet of my life for the world to see. Every word or sentence I composed were read, interpreted and even judged by unknown faces in the blogosphere.
Once there was one netizen who reprimanded me for bitching too much and being too negative after I wrote a series of very strong worded posts about the realities in NZ. Naturally I just ignored his comment. I feel that this is my personal space and I do not need to justify every action I did. After all I am not writing what other people would expect and want to see so why do I need to conform to their comments?
Of course there are many things I would like to write about but I would rather not. There are certain areas in my life which I deemed too personal and therefore not feasible to expose to the public. Already, I have started culling those posts about deeper personal issues which I had wrote previously. People are smart and they can guess things easily based on what you write and you will never know if they will use that to turn against you. So in order to end the unnecessary speculation and protect myself as well as others, I chose not to write about it.
What started as a place for freedom of expression turned into another virtual prison for me. With such limited choices to journal about, I find it cumbersome to maintain this blog as the days gone by. Which begs to the same old question again: To blog or not to blog?
1 comment:
I've come to the same situation with my blogging. I just can't put it out there like I thought I could and now I'm also debating if I should continue or not.
I mean what the hell? Why should I care what people think of me, and yet I still do? Hell, I'm debating even posting this comment because of that.
I'm mostly out but I also live in a community that reminds me everyday that they despise me.
And not only that but most of the people I know including my family are Mormons. Mormons are, shall we say, universally homophobic.
Sorry for ranting but, yeah it's been bothering me too.
Incidentally I was a Mormon missionary in NZ back in 91-93. Spent about a year in the Wellington area. I'm not a Mormon anymore, thank "god".
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