Voucher of appreciation...

I experienced something similar to the comic today. At least the director decided to "graciously" award me something more tangible for all the hard work done to make her project successful: A $4 coffee voucher from the staff cafe.

To receive such "priceless" award from the director made me very "humble" and "honour". I am still pondering on what to do with this "rare" gift. I am thinking of framing it and hang it on the wall of my office. Perhaps I should personally "thank" her for the "generous" award too. (Read my lips: FUCK OFF YOU STUPID COW!)

Annoying co-workers

Certificate of Depreciation

Office relocation

The bloody inmates (affectionately known as very very very irritating staff) in the mental ward (affectionately known as my department) are having a big moving day today. Their pointy hair leader (a.k.a manager) proposed a office makeover which according to him will boost the image of the department and improve staff morale.

I mean come on, with leaky roofs everywhere with no proper insulation or air circulation and top up with those stale carpets with rotten stench, it is a bloody waste of time really. Moreover, what the pointy hair leader is only moving the same old crap into different office layout. So it defeats the whole purpose anyway.  All he did was diverting attention away from the real issues faced by the department. Improving the image of the department??? Unlikely. Improve staff morale??? Bollocks. Just you watch, the euphoria will not last longer than one month and they will revert to their old self again.

Thankfully I had moved out that crap hole a couple of moons ago so I do not have to deal with them and their nonsense.

On processes

Sounds too familiar to me and my asylum (a.k.a workplace)...

Body languages that help you survive the corporate world

The Joy of work - Quotes for the new year - Part 3

1. A passing boat leaves no trace upon waters; a bird's flight leave no trace in the sky. When fleeting success, failure, gain or loss leaves no trace upon heart, the great wisdom of liberation has been achieved
2. Who is willing to be openly exploited is noble minded; who is insulted and insidiously exploited is dim-witted
3. Pressure usually stems from caring too much about externals and other people's opinion
4. Offer your service with a heart of gratitude, as if repaying a kindness, then you won't feel weary or tired
5. Always feel gratitude in your heart, and give unstintingly of your wealth, physical strength, mental effort and wisdom
   

The Joy of Work - Quotes for the new year - Part 2

1. To take on tough tasks, one must prepare to tough out complaints, and to be in charge is to be in for criticism. Yet complaints help foster compassion and patience, and criticism often holds golden advice
2. Stay at east under all circumstances, and give whenever conditions allow
3. All the ups and downs of life are nourishing experiences for our growth
4. Rectify deviations with wisdom; accommodate others with compassion
5. If the mountain won't move, build a road around it. If the road won't turn, change your path. If you are unable to even change your path, just transform your mind

Consultant - Someone who cons and insults...

Guess what, the consultant company who proposed the new organisation chart is the same consultant company who decried it more than seven years ago. At that time, they stated that the organisation structure was failing and proposed to overhaul the whole place.

Fast forward seven years later, they are now condemning the current structure and suggested us to revert back to the old one before the last big restructure. Isn't that a contradiction??? If it is not working seven years ago, what makes them think it will work now??? Why bother wasting so much money, time and resources to overhaul something only to be overturned later??? Did they not realise that their useless proposals have done so much damage and grief to others??? Obviously they don't, because all they care is milking more money from an organisation which is on the verge of bankruptcy without giving a slightest thought about the impact of their destructive decisions.

Is is pretty amazing how these consultants can knock down their own previous proposal when they see it fits their agenda. My respect for corporate consultants have dropped several notches lower...

Budget cuts...

When I compare this cartoon with the situation at my work place. It's like having a deja vu...

Disaster Recovery Plan...

After last week's blackout, the powers that be are demanding answers on why we did not have a DRP. They seemed to forget the fact that the auditors have told them to prepare one for years but they do not want to implement it because the bean counters decided it was too costly. So for now, our DRP will still be as follows:-

The 'R' exercise...

Five months ago I wrote about detecting the signs of an imminent change is about to happen in the "madhouse" (a.k.a work place). Now that those signs have finally materialised. By using the global recession as the backdrop, the powers that be decided to adopt the cost cutting measures and reveal the dreaded "R" exercise.

Funnily, I do not feel the despair like I had five months ago. I began to see that there may be a silver lining behind this thick clouds of uncertainty. No doubt this "R" exercise will unleash a big emotional storm from the drama queens and opera kings in my area, but I think I will ride on the storm rather than fretting what is going to happen. We'll see...

I will survive...

Here's a song I would like to sing out loud to those petty, whiny and unproductive toxic people in my work place. I wish they all go and get a life... :p

Office politics...

The picture says it all. Day in day out I had to deal with those buggers who spent the whole day politicking and do nothing else. They are really a pain in the ass and I can see my patience is wearing thin as a blank sheet of paper. If only I could "strangle" them and throw their bodies out of my sight...just wishful thinking... :p

So I am going to say a little prayer to keep me from going insane... >:)

Dear God,

Grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change,
And the courage to change the things I cannot accept;
The wisdom to hide bodies of those that I had to kill today,
Because they got on my nerves.

Help me to be careful of the toes I step on today,
As they may be connected to the feet I have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me to give 100% at work:
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
and 5% on Friday

Help me to remember when I am having a bad day at work and people are trying to wind me up,
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile
And only 4 to extend my arm and smack someone in the mouth.

The pictures say it all...

Now you know where all my stresses came from. If only I can "strangle" all of them with my own bare hands...

Carnage...

The picture says it all about my first day of work. Damn! I should have never come back to NZ...

Workplace personalities

I have worked for very long time and I have since met different types of characters along the way. Some encounters make everlasting impressions and some only lasted a few minutes. Some characters I met are fun to be around and some are downright despicable. To summarise, I categorise these colourful and wacky personalities to the following groups:-

1. The Dictator – The name says it all. They are the mother of all evil bosses. Usually the head of the organisation
2. Yes Man or Yes Woman – Their sole task is to polish the shoes of senior management. Commonly found among the middle level managers
3. Chicken Littles – Running around panicky for nothing, make a mountain out of molehill
4. Whiners – They whine just about everything (life, work, health, weather, partners etc)
5. Strikers – Quite common in NZ. All they do making demands from the management. If they can’t get what they want, they go on strike
6. Bigots – Can be categorised into 2 groups. The passive ones are pretty harmless because they do not make eye contact and do not speak to you, so you can just ignore them. But stay away as far as possible from the aggressive ones because they may taunt, threaten and even hurt you
7. Drama Queens or Opera Kings – These characters will make Shakespeare very proud. They sole existence is to create dramas in their own lives and the people around them
8. The Spoilt Princesses or The Pampered Princes – They are the spoilt brats in the organisation. They demand to be pampered all times. If not, they will go into fits followed by kicking, yelling and screaming or worst still crying
   
9. Pompous Experts – They seem to think they know everything and will brag about their knowledge. Yet they knew nothing
10. The Tai Chi Masters – Masters of tasks delegation. They are good at pushing responsibilities to others and then take the credit for good results
11. The Procrastinators – They always come up with various excuses for not completing their task
12. The Now-You-See-Me-Now-You-Don’ts – Take up the tasks and never bother to stick around to finish the job
13. The Short Memories – They suffered the “Gone By Lunch Hour” syndrome made famous by Don Brash, whatever you tell them goes in one ear and out from the other in a matter of minutes
    
14. The Liars – They tell lies without blinking their eyes even though you show them the evidences
15. Two Faced – Also known as Two Headed Snake and Backstabbers
16. Fact Twisters – Give them a simple piece of information and they can twisted and distort the facts and turn into a complex conspiracy
17. Manipulation Masters – Despicable creatures that manipulate emotions, people or situations to their advantage
18. Blame Casters – Blames everyone besides themselves. Never take responsibility and accountability for their actions
19. The Actors and Actresses – These pretentious people fake their personalities and put up a good show in front of others. They should just quit their present job and become movie stars!
    
20. The Mile-in-a-Minute Babblers – These manic people just talk non-stop in their ever-annoying high octave voice
21. Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – Unpredictable characters who can be a sweet person and turn nasty next moment
22. The Zombies – Helen Cark will love them. They behave mechanically like robots and never question whether they are doing the right thing or not because do not use their brains at all. They like to adopt a myriad of useless methodologies and processes in their daily job
23. The Suffering Housewives – Whatever treatment they get, they just suffered in silence
24. The Clamshells – As if they have gold in their mouth, they hardly had conversations with other people
25. The Invisibles – Never seem to be around except receiving salaries
26. The Loners – Always by themselves and behave like a hermit
27. The Shit Collectors – These poor souls picked up all the shit that were left behind by others

Does that sound familiar?

(P.S.:- At present, I have a met a person who displays a combination of the traits I listed on top. She shows the characteristics of The Liar, Drama Queen, Chicken Little, Two Faced, The Actor, Fact Twister, The Babbler and Manipulation Master. This is the most toxic personality I have found so far and I do not know what to name this vicious species.)

Discrimination in NZ?

I found out that as a foreigner, getting a job is quite hard in New Zealand. It doesn’t matter if you have rich experience and strong credentials working in multi-national companies previously. If you do not have the so-called “New Zealand Working Experience”, you are practically nobody.

I have heard horror stories where former executives, researchers and scientists drove taxis, sweeping the streets or collecting garbage in New Zealand because the Kiwi companies won’t hire them. Many of us gave up high paying jobs and uprooted ourselves to come and live in New Zealand only to found ourselves disappointed by the harsh realities and live with broken dreams.

As for me, I too have been through the painful process of sending out lots of CVs to the black hole and waiting in vain. At that time, I was on the verge of giving up, ready to pack up my bags, and headed back to where I came from. However, I held on.

I found a piece of article in Computerworld New Zealand magazine dated Nov 20, 2006 that highlights the problem faced by migrants with ICT talents. Before you decide decided to give up everything and hop on the plane to fly over here looking for a job, I suggest you to read the article carefully and decide whether is it worth all the risks.

Here is the transcription of the article:-

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Immigrants: over qualified and over here?

(Transcribed from Computerworld New Zealand magazine, No. 958, dated 20 November 2006) - By Juha Saarinen

This may come as a surprise to some, but I am a foreigner. My foreigness started in Finland and was exacerbated through living and working in various European countries as well as Singapore before coming to New Zealand.

I have been “foreigning it” in Aotearoa for over a decade now and got away with it by and large. The food was bit difficult to handle at first (haven’t you guys heard of pickled herring, raw onion and vodka?) and one editor says he still can’t pronounce my name.

I miss proper sports like ice hockey and real football but it’s not so bad here really.

Levity apart, I was surprised to read Ulrika Hedquist’s (another foreigner) story last week on how some Kiwi companies are reluctant to hire migrants. This despite a massive skills shortage, which means employers can’t get the labour they badly need, for love or money. Despite global competition for ICT talent, these people have foregone higher-paying jobs elsewhere to live and work in New Zealand instead.

Hedquist’s isn’t the only report on migrants being discriminated against. The editor of CIO magazine, Divina Paredes, recently won the PriceWaterhouseCoopers Hi-Tech Journalist of the Year Award for a well-researched piece on overseas ICT workers being discriminated against — and industry figures are admitting it’s a problem.

I must confess that I’ve come across very little discrimination in New Zealand, compared to some countries in Europe and Asia that I’ve lived in. Then again, I’m from Europe and unless I tattoo “FOREIGNER” across my forehead, well, it’s not that obvious.

Kiwis in general are a tolerant lot and more curious than rejecting of migrants, I find. Occasionally, you will bump into some loony, like the person who asked me if I was happy being back in a First World country after Singapore, but they are rare indeed.

Having said that, more “blatant” foreigners seem to run into problems. There’s the former manager of Hewlett-Packard’s million dollar Middle-Eastern unix business who drives a taxi in New Zealand because that was the only job for him.

He said he was happy with the career change, but there was a twinge of bitterness in his voice. The bitterness didn’t come from driving a taxi as such, but from sending out lots of job applications in vain. Nobody wants to hire you because you are different, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Much of the discrimination will be subtle too, like the dreaded “New Zealand experience” requirement. I have never come across anything like that overseas, and would love to know if Kiwis put “New Zealand Experience” as a qualification on their CVs when they go travelling.

Such institutionalised discrimination hurts not just the migrants, but also the companies that willingly miss out on qualified staff who may also bring different, refreshing views that traditional workers don’t have.

The reality is that ICT honours few boundaries like geography and ethnicity, so looking for a heterogenous staff make-up is a fool’s errand at best.

At worst, it’s firing a very large gun at both feet of your business because of irrational personal prejudice.

Speaking of personal stuff, until you experience it yourself, it’s hard to understand how painful discrimination can be. Most Kiwis of British origin aren’t likely to ever encounter it, and I hope they never will.

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